So, far this summer has been a real soul searching time for me. I think it is a combination of many things...my sister having a beautiful baby boy and being extremely happy for her, but at the same time kind of wishing I could of had that precious bonding time between mother and infant. I am not having a pity party just wishing for more time with my kiddos. Could all of this emotion be a result of my twins heading to first grade this year and being away from me all day? I LOVED my afternoons with them!
I also have been doing a great Bible Study that has really caused me to dig deep and find w/ in myself some issues I don't really want to deal with. Another huge factor of is just recently celebrating my 10th anniversary. This is a huge landmark but, I don't think anything has quite made me feel so old! I pulled out the pictures and wanted to cry! My husband looks better today than the day we were married, but not me! What has happened to me? I wonder how he could still love me, as I don't even look like the same person? Can we say INSECURE? It didn't even make me feel better that I tried on my wedding dress and it still fit! Maybe it was the comment that a so called friend made to me, "Well of course it still fits you never had to go through pregnancy and childbirth. You have no excuses." All in all anniversary was great-a trip to Hawaii and a fun night out here in Boise. Just a major realization through the whole thing that I have some major things to work on in my own life!
The other day I was reading one of my favorite blogs and P.W. posed a question that really got me thinking....Looking back 10 years ago did your life turn out the way you had planned?
For me personally I thought all of the changes in my life occurred about 13 years ago when I changed colleges, majors, career choice, surrendered to full time ministry service, and decided that maybe I would think about interrupting my career before the age of 30 to get married and have children. Soon after all of these changes I met and fell in love with my husband. At that point I knew my full time christian service would be walking through life as the wife of a pastor. I wasn't sure what all the journeywould entail, but I was willing to give it my best shot. Oh, ignorance is bliss!
So, looking back 10 years my life is definitely different than I expected, but GREAT different! I have a wonderful husband and 3 incredible children. I had no idea that we would have to go through so much to finally have our family, but it was all so worth it! With God on our side we have overcome things in these past 10 years I never could of thought possible. I am so GLAD that I did not know some of the things we would have to face! All I can say is God is good all the time, and He has continued to be with us through the mountains and the valleys.
Whew! This is pretty deep for me, but all of this soul searching finally came to a head for me yesterday at church. Dr. Jerry Thorpe brought an incredible message and challenge to me personally. He talked a lot about setting goals and the importance of doing so. I would say that for the first 25 years of my life I was incredibly goal oriented and driven. Not to make excuses but motherhood has kind of put anything about me in the backseat. I have no career goals or even real ministry goals at the present time. My goals for most days are just making sure that everyone is dressed, fed, gets to where they need to go, and most importantly happy.
I was definitely challenged on Sunday to once again sit down and write out my goals. It has been a long time since I have done this. He explained how we need to separate our goal categories, and that they need to be measurable and attainable.
Not that the last 10 years of my life have been disappointing, but I think the next 10 will be more fulfilling with the practice of setting and attaining goals on a regular basis. I guess what it comes down to is I don't want to settle for mediocrity any longer. So, hopefully today as my kids are splashing around in our pool I will be able to get my goals in writing. I am so thankful that all of my soul searching this summer has led me to this exercise. Thank you Lord for speaking to me through this message!
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6 comments:
i was totally spoken to as well! you are my accountability buddy on this one. let's get our goals out there and start rockin'! thank you for being a wonderful christian friend. i love you.
Very good post. I do disagree about the comment of you your husband looking better. Are you on crack? You are way better looking than I am.
I also think that you are doing a awesome job on the goals of raising our kids. That is a huge task.
You are the bomb.
My life is so different than I thought it would be as well. But I'm learning that my expectations sometimes never really match up to God's daily standards for me.
I think it's good to constantly soul search and work at bettering and improving your life. Just never let anyone make you feel inferior for not being able to do or accomplish something. You are so special and unique - God called you to your own special ministry with Doug and those 3 kids. Not everyone could do that. It takes someone special. :)
motherhood is the thing that will steal our dreams away the fastest...that is of course, if you believe what society is telling you. our goal is supposed to be centered around following after christ right? well, i think that direction can change depending on our circumstances. so, now as a mommy, my goals have sort of changed to being the best mom i can and leading my children to god. i still have things in my heart that i know god has put there, i just realize that those things will come later. for now, my focus is on my baby.
i do think you can have other ministries and dreams while you have children, but they shouldn't take precedence over your kids.
i'm right there with you girl. i love you and think you are wonderful and am so glad you shared your heart and appreciate your transparency. i know that is not always easy.
Hey Heather, the kids are beautiful, and it looks like you're doing an amazing job with them! I admired you going from 0-3 when you took them in, & you can tell you were cut out for motherhood.. Hope you all are doing well :)
I've been so challenged this summer, too. Now it's time to put it into practice...I can do all things through Christ- even get my family into a healthy routine. Here goes! Thanks for the honesty in what you share. Love ya!
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